Maybe you're not lost, you're just done with the old way of doing things.

In July’s article, I talked about how important it can be to have time away to pause and self-reflect. In this article I want to talk about the fact that maybe you're actually not lost. The feeling of being stuck can often be clarity in disguise, and actually, one thing is very clear: 

the way you have been doing things up to this point is not what you want to carry forward.

TL;DR 

1. Give yourself permission to want something new
2. Identify where you're still trying to follow someone else's rules for success
3. Create your own definition of what success really means to you
4. Remember your worth isn't determined by your current role or abilities
5. Skip to the end to grab your free strategy session (places are very limited!)

When we feel like something is off and we can't put a name on it, it makes us feel like we're lost. I often see it with people who feel like they've gone through and ticked all the boxes, they've gone to university, they've got a good job, the ‘perfect’ corporate life, beautiful flat and they've go on nice holidays, but there's still a feeling that something isn't right…

But maybe it’s not that you're lost. Maybe you're just done with that grind, the societal view of what you ‘should’ be doing. 

I can totally relate. I used to sit down at the laptop to search for a new direction and every time, I thought I was stuck and felt lost. I remember tears of frustration as I sat looking blankly at the google search page, knowing that I had more to give but not knowing what it was. Yet in the first session I had with my career coach, it was actually really clear what I wanted to explore, I just hadn’t had an opportunity to do that thinking before.

When I peeled away the feeling of ‘stuckness/lost’ I was actually quite clear. I was done with the long commute, the squished tube, sitting at a desk all day being told when I had to start and finish and what hour I could eat my lunch. These frustrations had crowded my vision and thinking, leaving me feeling like I was totally stuck for what to do next. 

The traditional career playbook has expired, many of us continue to use outdated metrics to define success. High achievers are still often taught to prioritise money, status, job titles, and climbing the corporate ladder. There's still a societal expectation to reach certain salary levels and positions by specific ages, particularly in career-focused environments like London. We’re forced into busy = better, constantly on the go, both in work and life which winds up being exhausting, especially when a misalignment is present. 

When people follow prescribed career paths without questioning their alignment they often wind up feeling lost. This discomfort is actually a signal from the body indicating misalignment between actions and desires. Despite this, people still cling to these familiar patterns and beliefs even when they no longer serve them, because they are familiar.

A recent client who worked as a project manager at one of the ‘Big Four’ investment banks had to unlearn the belief that success meant working long hours and pursuing the next promotion. Her journey revealed that true success for her was making a meaningful impact rather than just increasing her salary. She had experienced burnout precisely because she continued pushing through a career path that wasn't personally fulfilling.

So it’s clear that we’re continuing to rely upon outdated metrics for success and then when we feel stuck we’re still trying to use those metrics to figure everything out. One of the biggest gamechangers is rewriting those metrics.

Reframing this crisis point as opportunity for growth 

It's totally normal to feel disoriented in any kind of transition. If you're going through a big change. It's going to bring up fears. A helpful approach to take is to think of this transition as a “Composting Phase”. Old beliefs, habits and expectations breaking down, throwing out everything that is no longer serving you in your career.

You then enter the ‘Cultivation Phase’ where you let the compost cure and create the foundations to grow something new. So essentially you're putting all of the bits that you no longer want into the compost bin, and using this cultivation phase to digest ideas, explore and contemplate new directions.

So, for example, when my client was feeling unfulfilled in the role she had once loved, it wasn't about jumping to fix it straight away, It was about really noticing:

• what is no longer serving you? 
• What is feeling heavy? 
• Why is this feeling coming up for you at this moment? 

VS 

• What does and has energised you? 
• What's missing? 

Through the process she realised she hadn’t lost her work ethic or drive, she wasn’t being lazy, it was all still there, she was just trying to pour it into something that was no longer what she wanted. 

Within two months, she had let go of what wasn't aligned, built new metrics for her definition of success and had created a concrete plan to build a career on her terms .As soon as she let go of the guilt it released so much energy. So rather than seeing it as being stuck, she used this as an opportunity for growth.

Redefining success 

It’s common for high-achievers to attach their worth to their abilities and recognition/status at work. But remember that society's view of success is a myth we’ve bought into. Your personal definition of success is totally subjective. Maybe it includes location freedom, control over your working hours, or ownership of your progression. 

So many people I talk to say things like ‘If I quit this, I've lost everything that I've been working for over the past 10 years’. But change doesn't have to be about giving everything up. It took me a really long time to realise that success for me isn't just about the financial aspect. It’s about the freedom to travel and choose when I want to work. I'm actually transcribing the first version of this article lying on a beach! That to me is a contributing factor to my definition of success, a definition I’ve created. 

Giving yourself permission to actually want something new and want change isn't just about quitting everything, but it's about saying, I'm still worthy even if I step away from this role that is no longer a good fit for me. 

The transition should be viewed as a reorientation rather than a complete reinvention. There's no need to "burn everything down" that you've worked hard for. Instead, it's about exploring what's next through a new lens that aligns with who you are today, rather than following others' versions of success.

A three-step reflection you can use is:

• What's energizing you, even in the tiniest ways?
• What are you no longer willing to tolerate?
• Where are you still trying to prove something, and to whom?

And that last question, be really honest with yourself.

And if it still feels super foggy right now, just remember that you're not failing, you've not lost all your abilities or motivation or capabilities. It's just that you're going through a period of change where you've brought a level of awareness to the fact that you're not happy. This can create a real sense of unrest whilst you're navigating and preparing for a change.

So to summarise: 

1. Give yourself permission to want something new
2. Identify where you're still trying to follow someone else's rules for success
3. Create your own definition of what success really means to you
4. Remember your worth isn't determined by your current role or abilities

I'd really encourage you if you haven’t yet, to revisit July’s article which covers some further actions you can take to start the exploration process. 

If you’d like some help to start recognising what you need to let go of, I’m offering a free 45-minute Strategy Session to the first 3 people who email me. Together, we’ll reconnect with what is actually going on and start to lift some of the fog to gain clarity on how you can navigate the next phase of your career. 

Just drop me a message to claim your spot: caitlin@ripple-impact.com